you told me you cared,
so why weren’t you there
every night i’d wait up late for you?
see – love is a verb, not just some word
to be tossed around on a whim.
please say what you mean,
and mean what you say…
life’s far too short for these empty excuses
and games played with both our emotions
where nobody wins in the end.
now make up your mind or spit our your goodbye…
do you want this, or not? it’s that simple.
if sharing what’s been on my heart,
being more honest and open, instead of so cool and collected,
seemed to you too sentimental –
i’m sorry (but only that you asked).
if my crime was avoiding the shackles of regret,
rather than taking an easy way out,
avoiding you like i normally would my emotions,
then you’ll understand why I’m so cold.
if i myself am somehow the issue,
if my height or looks or personality
can no longer hold your interest
let me know.
far better the short-lived sting of reality
than a lifetime of wondering ‘what if,’
for i refuse to forfeit all of me –
all the things i have been and will someday be –
just to fulfill a man’s fleeting obsession.
this is who i am – no more, no less.
take it or leave it,
should my rhetoric strike you as harsh,
when all this time you’ve been moved,
not by repulsion or disappointment,
but by fear of our impending departure,
then you should know it scares me, too.
the leaving, yes, but also any talk of an ‘us,’
while we spend our waning days as sort-of friends
and a handful of too-late nights as almost lovers.
maybe what we’ve shared in this small town
is star-crossed, ill-fated by a higher power
to end in heartache, some great loss,
but none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.
why fret over what hasn’t happened?
darling – i beg you not to permit
your paralyzing fear of the future
to prevent any joy in the present.
we needn’t rush to define that which might never be,
nor will avoiding neat labels
provide some elusive, magical cure.
in our youth, i’ve found,
we’re too easily swayed by the idea of soulmates –
a love to last a lifetime,
souls intertwined at first sight.
but sometimes, life gives us what we need the most
in other, more transient companions,
with whom we cross paths amidst once-lonely darkness –
strangers mutually spellbound,
like ships in the night.
the north star above us silently beckons,
as stiff winds of change fill our sails.
before i become just another speck on your horizon,
look me in the eyes – be frank about what you feel.
if anything, speak now
or forever hold your peace!
at this rate you and i will die ‘just friends,’
doomed to deeply regret the night we first met,
cursing each and every risk the two of us once took
thanks to (sometimes liquid) courage,
their collective sum now tarnished
by a tragic lack thereof.