some millennial text message monologue I never sent…



< [ hey! good to hear from you again, and to answer your question: no… deleting you on snapchat wasn’t meant to be a personal slight, I’m just finally getting around to my new years resolutions and taking steps to distance myself from any negative influences in my life. 🙂 ]

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< [ not that I didn’t love getting to keep up with your really cheesy and repetitive snapstories all the time, of course, because that isn’t it at all!! seeing your girlfriend’s face from four thousand different angles was the highlight of my morning, and afternoon, and evening, especially when I remembered how you told me over and over that you prefer to keep things like that more private – ya know, on the down low, since you’re not really that type of person. Obviously, she means a lot to you since you’re plastering her all over your social media so early on in the relationship sort-of-friendship-but-definitely-more-than-that (forgot that DTR was a trigger for you, sorry!) 🙂 ]

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< [ oh but here’s the thing, and you might wanna sit down for this one since you’ve always hated how “wordy” and “extra” I am. Maybe grab a cup of coffee or tea or, hell, even water… I would suggest a little something stronger, since you’re legally old enough to handle the hard stuff now, but since the whole point of banning underage drinking was to protect vulnerable, immature brain cells, I think you should hold off for at least a few more years. You know, just to be safe. 🙂 ]

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< [ It was super sweet of you to remind me of how much you want to see me again before I leave. I know I said I’d love that a few months ago, and again a few weeks ago, even initiating a text or two about making plans, but I’m just so busy now that July has finally come around (and all I’m doing is working and eating and watching Netflix in bed every evening)… I’m sure you of all people understand? ]


< [ p.s. I didn’t mean to come across overly bitchy, just being honest. Sorry if that didn’t translate, is this why most people prefer to dance around the truth? (or just outright lie, I’ve heard that’s even easier!) I guess I assumed you’d appreciate my frankness, given that you’ve told me time and again that you’re “always honest.” Or, on the (more likely) occasion that your words were too ambiguous/actually kind of hurtful, you’d always clarify that you’re “just joking” or “roasting” me. ]

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< [ no hard feelings between us, though, right? I hope you know that I enjoyed the month or so we spent as “friends who are more than friends sometimes” – you always were an eloquent and thoughtful guy, so long as we overlook the part where you played two people simultaneously for weeks on end 🙂 ]


< [ wait, you’re shocked? hope you were drinking that tonic water out of a red solo cup, since you’ve dropped it just now (all-American plastic’s more your speed than bourgeois glassware, anyway, I’m sure). but no, I’ve known for a while now… I’m not thaaat stupid, I mean even if I were, I have eyes 😉 I think I first suspected something was up whenever you suddenly stopped responding to my texts and making really lame but untouchable excuses… like the time you turned into a super serious student overnight – hours upon hours spent hitting the books, scribbling random notes every tenth or twelfth page, and occasionally inhaling their crisp, inky scent to celebrate wrestling them out of the plastic wrap from last semester 🙂 how on earth could I guilt you for something like that? ]


< [ obviously I’m not assuming the worst. it’s clear that everything between you two started long after I accidentally dropped chocolate onto the carpet of your car, and you made a big deal out of it, then laughed while you told me it’d feel really weird if I started seeing anyone else, even though we were never official.  Long after we fell asleep on my couch after dinner, and I lay there for a good two hours after having woken up just because I didn’t want to disturb you when you looked so peaceful and I felt strangely happy in your arms. Long after you claimed to have had so much fun at the dance you’d convinced me to attend with you, long after you texted me asking why I’d gone home after graduation without saying goodbye, long after you made a point to make plans a month in advance for the next time we’d both be in town. Long after you promised to drive down just to see me one last time, long after you typed out a lengthy message apologizing if it seemed like you didn’t care about me (since that definitely wasn’t the case, the situation was just really complicated), and long after you went out of your way to send me a text from the airport to say you missed me and had been thinking of me. why else would you do something like this, other than the obvious (no, not love, or even infatuation… I was thinking more along the lines of how much you enjoy effing around with people’s emotions)]


< [ I think i’m getting carpal tunnel, so rly should take a break soon, but every now and then, I still miss or think about you, too – to reiterate my answer to your original question, that’s honestly the only reason why your snaps had to go. It was for the best… consider it a gesture of sometimes-more-than-friends-but-only-whenever-you-feel-like-it friendship 😉 her face doesn’t make me feel bitter, tbh she seems super sweet – how can I resent someone who’s gorgeous and artsy and loves horses and helping the homeless? yet another one you’ve fooled into thinking she’s not out of your league! haha ]

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< [ gtg, but thanks again for reaching out bc I’ve missed these chats! and I wish you two all the best, really truly 🙂 this is america and so you definitely have the right to decide that being a f**boi is too much work and then just drop one of your playthings at random. in the land of the free and the home of the brave, you can sleep with whomever you’d damn well please while pretending to share a priceless connection with someone else… isn’t liberty just so great?! haha i mean you already know this, seeing as you’re going to be fighting for this country one day someday soon (but maybe that plan has changed, too?) ]


< [ good luck with everything!! and if scheming stars align so that we do meet again by chance someday, I wouldn’t expect some romantic hollywood kiss for old times’ sake 😉 I mean, it’d probably be worth it if I could lure you in close and then knee you in the balls, but that scenario doesn’t work on duplicitous, immature bastards like you who can’t seem to grow a pair 😉 ]


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